So Russia hacked the U.S. elections

Considering that Russia couldn’t even jam 3G/4G signals in the Eastern district of Aleppo to prevent all those “This is my last message in HD”, this comes across as a little strange. Even Pakistani traffic cops manage to jam internet and cell signals for hours and days in entire cities and multiple times during the year.

Still, Putin must be some hacker to hack offline electoral booths.

We must line up to condemn Mother Russia for hacking the U.S. elections and even US democracy.

Who ever heard of this kind of interference by one country in the affairs of another??

This hacking resulted in Wikileaks publishing emails that highlighted fantastical things and events that are simply unbelievable! Things such as .

1. The Democratic primaries were fixed against Sanders

2. That former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton knew that U.S. allies like Saudi and Qatar were supporting ISIS and Al Qaeda and JuD and other Salafi-Deobandi terrorist groups at the Government level.

Previously, we were lead to believe that it is just an errant Saudi businessman or two, who mistakenly funded ISIS and that the Saudi government are really Jeffersonian Democrats with refined Human Rights concerns which qualified for Samantha Powers public endorsement.

By this reasoning, Pakistani generals and politicians like Nawaz Sharif and Imran can also argue that the Pakistani establishment’s policy of supporting Jihadis in Afghanistan and Kashmir is simply the work of an errant Colonel, maybe a befuddled brigadier!

3. That Hillary Clinton was NOT lecturing investment banks about their predatory, exploitative and unethical practices but simply promoting her Foundation in the most banal way possible

After making the claim that he would have won the elections, (thus subtly dissing Hillary) President Obama wants us to believe that former SoS, Senator and First Lady Hillary lost to a misogynist, predator buffoon reality TV actor because Russia hacked the elections.

If it was not for Mother Russia, we know Hillary would have thrashed Trump in the electoral college because we are still in awe of her clearly defined message, her humility and her warm connection with the Non-Deplorable Americans. No one can accuse Hillary of lacking political Charisma.

Mr President, as a diehard fan of Rambo Part 3, I believe you too. After all, your intelligence comes from the CIA and we all know their spotless record and above all, their Altruistic nature. We still cannot forget how General Zia, with the support of the CIA, Congress, Saudis, and Osama Bin Laden saved us from those Godless Ruskie commies back in the 1980s – even if he was not quite that successful from saving us from 1980’s fashion trends.

Mr President, my tweed jacket sleeves are still recovering from 1980s fashion trends. Please help us as we are now set to prostitute ourselves to the Chinese. Please take us back as well as our other two timing buddy Erdogan who dissed you publicly yesterday for supporting ISIS.


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