Tips On How to Forgive Those Who Hurt You

Forgiving does not mean justifying or forgetting someone who has hurt us, it means letting go of resentment.

By Rayhan al-Safawi

There is this false idea among Muslims that forgiving someone means forgetting the pain and hurt they’ve caused you. In a practical sense, this is almost impossible. The memory of those that hurt us will likely remain. Forgiveness is letting go of resentment and letting go of the desire for revenge.

Forgiveness is not denying the person’s responsibility for having hurt or offended us, neither is it a way of justifying what they did. We can forgive others without accepting, excusing or justifying their hurtful actions. Forgiveness is letting go of resentment and opening the heart to closure and peace.

This is easier said than done. But one tip which one of my teachers taught me sometime ago is to remember all the times we’ve hurt others and how we were forgiven. We can also think of all the sins and bad things we’ve done and how God has chosen to forgive us. Being quick to forgive, putting resentment and thoughts of revenge aside will open up immense peace in our hearts.

The other tip is to pray for the person who has transgressed against us. Start with counting all the sins and transgressions you have done and ask Allah (swt) to forgive you. Then move on to ask God to forgive and help the person who has transgressed against you as well. This action will invoke His grace in our live, free our heart of hatred over time and bring uncounted blessings. This will not happen overnight, the prayer should continue for as long as the resentment remains and then perhaps some more.

Rayhan al-Safawi is a blogger at the World Shia Forum. He lives with his family in the West Coast, United States.